Hi there,
So much has happened since I last wrote to you. Awful, unspeakable things that made me lose faith in Los Angeles as my home and drove me out of the state. My faith in the city hasn’t returned but my body has. I’m back here, for now, while I figure out where I belong.
One thing about me is that I have experienced brief periods of stability followed by all-encompassing destruction throughout my entire life. The first time that everything about my life as I knew it went up on flames was when I was five years old and it’s continued to happen like that, in various ways, from that day forward. I keep choosing paths dictated by others, trusting dangerous people, making excuses for bad behavior, soothing other’s wounds at the expense of myself, looking for love in all the wrong places. I keep waking up to discover that the place and people I’ve called home is a ticking time bomb, built to self-destruct. Some examples of this are:
- Leaving my abusive childhood home
- Leaving fundamentalist Christianity
- Leaving the Republican Party
- Rewiring the programming that Christianity, purity culture, conservatism and narcissistic abuse did to my brain and body (ongoing)
- Leaving the public school system
